This month has been overwhelming by school schedules, reading catch-up, and extracurricular activities I have. Last 3 weeks I joined gym and tried to spend 3 times a week having workout session. On one side it has made me feel good about my body, I feel much more healthier and less tiresome, I have better mood, and it is a good way to relieve some stress too (yes, the gym guys are good looking! :p). On the other side, I go home after workout feeling tired and can't stand reading handouts for more than one hour. So I try to do a major catch up on weekends, but then I always use weekends as my excuse to hang out and have fun, so basically I am doing a very slow progress here. I have postponed my plan to take a diving course this month until all the exams are over and it turns out to be the smartest decision I've made so far.
Being so tiresome and sleepy in class make me want to post some tricks (some work, some not) I use to do when I can't stand to sleep during a long class, either it is a morning one or an afternoon one. Still on process on making that post, though. But tonight when I was reading surgery handouts, some case images of oral cancer have disturbed me.
No, it is not about the scary appearance that annoyed me most.. well yeah the scary appearance annoyed me a bit, but then the next thoughts came and annoyed me more:
What would I do and act if I meet these patients in real life? As a doctor? As a med student? As a person?
Seeing some real images of scary-looking illness make me think that these are the real things I am going to face anytime in the future. Sooner or later. And as a doctor I am supposed to diagnose, treat, and cure the patients. But then am I allowed to feel scared, disguised, or even feel sorry for the patients' miserable condition? Or should I just ignore all the human side of myself and my patients, and just starting to see them as merely medical cases, problems to be solved, and act "professionally"?
Am I ready to numb all my feeling and be prepared to see/smell/do/watch the worst medical-related stuff?
I guess this is another part of learning medicine and growing up to be a doctor in the future. The other question is:
Should I keep my idealistic ideas I am having now as a medical student, or should I be more flexible about it and act more like some senior doctors here?
The question is yet to be answered.
I have been thinking about that, too. Because somehow there seems there are only two options: to be distant and professional in an attempt to protect your own emotions, or give all of yourself to those patients, therefor take their stories home and more often than not make yourself miserable. I don't know what would be the right thing to do/feel. Patients in the end probably benefit more from a professional doctor, but it really is hard to achieve, at least from the perspective of medical student.
ReplyDeleteI also agree about trying to find common ground between ideals and "real life". I think it gets easier but I don't know if it gets easier because we abandon our ideals, or because we find the best possible way to fit them into real life situations.
mirna... sehat sekali anda.. hehehehehe.... :)
ReplyDeletethat's an interesting point about patients. Kinda scary I suppose when you have to face it. But i'm sure after enough exposure you'll get used to it. The problem with getting used to something though, is that we tend to dehumanize patients. So I suppose even though you are used to it you have to keep in mind the people aspect. I actually commend those who want to be a doctor because a highly social soul is really needed for it... I'm sure you can do it!