A Doctor's Prayer

"From inability to let alone; from too much zeal for the new and contempt for what is old; from putting knowledge before wisdom, and science before art and cleverness before common sense; from treating patients as cases; and from making the cure of the disease more grievous than the endurance of the same, Good Lord, deliver us."

--Sir Robert Hutchison

Farewell, My Little Grinder

I woke up early this morning, did think a lot during my shower, making sure if my decision to see my dentist at 9 a.m. is fixed.

So I did it.

9 a.m. I arrived at the dentist' workplace, fearing of the pain I might feel minutes after. The dentist came 10 minutes later, he turned on the stereo -- "What a Wonderful World" was played, my favorite song. I thought that it wont be that bad.

What happen next, as a medical student, I couldn't stop visualizing the whole process. The dentist put a kind of local anesthetic gel around the tooth, injected another anesthetic drug, and after that the only thing I heard only that high-toned tool craving my tooth. But the most terrifying sound was the cracking sound when the dentist forcely pulled the tooth. Gosh I think I'm more an audio person, make a scary voice and I'll have those paranoid thoughts.

I have so many thoughts in my mind --my own secret to distract my focus on the extracting process. The dentist' hands was a bit shakey at first, when he opened my mouth and injected the drug, but after that he looks calmer and so do I.

I thought that he would extract the whole tooth at the same time, but it turned out that he cracked it first then pulled out the pieces! How smart is that!

One thing I also love about my dentist is he always be good looking. No, it's not that I'm attracted to him personally, and he's been married anyway. But he always looks fit and he wears neat clothes. Noone would let anyone with bad odor and slob look to extract his tooth, right?

So doctors, here's my suggestion, dress well. Keep yourself fit. You can even change your hair color to some nice dark natural color, like brown, dark maroon, or else. The point is, doctors can be smart, kind, and stylish as well. If health is not only about physical well-being but also psychological mood, you would feel better if you can lift your patients' mood by looking good, right?

Well it's not that you have to wear those killer heels during your 7 hours of working (if you need to walk or stand most of the times) or the low-line neck blouse, or that attention-seeker perfume. Just be stylish in a classy and moderate way. You know what I mean.

For patients, be calm. Your doctors have learned their best and they'll give you their best too. A nervous patient may crack the doctor's nerve, vice versa.

Ok I need to stop here. The mefinal doesnt work well. Time to take more pills.

When a Med Stud Watch A Movie

I know that this thing happens to almost all of my friends in med school and I have been experiencing this since my first year: we can't stop our mind (and/or mouth) from any medical-related scene on anything we are watching.

Last Thursday I watched a Chinese movie, entitled "Shaolin". It was a good movie, indeed. Good humors, some touchy scenes,nice effects, and some complicated kungfu moves. The greatest thing is that two senior, tallented Chinese actors and singers, Andy Lau and Jackie Chan, also act in this movie. Both as the good heroic character. But there are some scenes which annoyed me because I keep on relating it to the medical theories I have learned so far.

1.  There were several scenes which actors/actresses bleed through their mouth. My thought: "Which organ trauma could cause this bleeding?"

2.  When an actor got deeply stabbed more than one time by a blade directly to the upper left area of his chest (right where the heart lies), he was still able to performed some kungfu moves and fight the bad guys about 10 minutes. My thought : "Isn't he supposed to be death by now? To be stabbed right on your heart will have the same impact with cardiac arrest, right?"

3.   When a cute little girl died after some physical trauma and a senior monk had sticked an acupuncture needle on her neck and the little girl bleed through her mouth. My thought "What could be the cause of her death? Does the acupuncture needle on her neck really help?"

I'm glad that I can keep my mouth shut during the movie. Or else, those who sit next to me in the cinema won't be able to stand my critics and I might end up watch all movies without any companion. Except my med school friends, perhaps.

*Anyway, there is a cute actor acted as a monk in the movie. Anyone has idea who he is?

Waiting Is Not That Bad

If there is one thing I would avoid the most in the world, it would be waiting. Seriously, I can whine all day long because of wasting several minutes to wait for someone or something, I could have use those minutes to do something else. But recently there are some interesting stories I got during my waiting for a person, in the hospital and in a car. Here they go:

1. It was another hours of waiting for my research's consultant. Sitting next to me was a lady whose nose was covered by cotton-aid. This was quite uncommon because most of the women consulting to that Oncology Clinic are breast cancer patients. I can't stand my curiosity and asked her whether she is going to see the doctor because of breast cancer. It turned out that this lady had a lump on her nose and it had been resected the last week. I had just studied about skin malignancy that morning (Malignant Melanoma and Basalioma), so I began to ask some questions relating to her skin lump. One thing surprised me was that this lady is a housewife, which means that she spends most of her days inside her house. While the only predilection for skin malignancy in my mind at that time was UV exposure. She said that she didn't use to wear any sun-screen lotion nor cosmetics when she is outside. But does a minimal exposure to sunlight could end to such skin cancer. I should learn further.

2. Several days later, in the same Oncology Clinic, waiting for the same research's consultant, a woman beside me had been waiting several minutes longer than me. I smiled her once previously, but after an hour of waiting for the same person, side by side, I started the conversation. She looked fine and I didn't notice anything wrong with her face. But after she said that she suddenly lose her right eye's visual after a series of chemotherapy, I noticed that her eye looked perfectly normal while the left one looked a bit retracted. Turned out that she had done a mastectomy a year ago, continued by a series of radiotherapy and chemotherapy. She had consulted an eye specialist doctor in a private hospital before but the examinations showed nothing wrong with her retina and all. I started to think whether it was the side effect of the chemical they used in chemotherapy or it was the tumor which had metastasized to her brain or eye. I literally googled about it soon after I arrived home but couldn't find the most possible and satisfactory explanations. I should learn more.

3. It was this morning, in a travel service when I was going to my hometown. The driver and I were waiting for the next passenger, he asked about med school etc. Then he told me about his 9-month old son who has been suffering cough for the last 4 days. His son also had a fever. A doctor had given him drug prescription. The driver showed me the prescription paper, and although I have just finished pharmacology exam, I still think that I couldn't diagnose and determine the drugs now. It was either under confidence, fear of giving the wrong drug advice, or simply because I realized my own lack of knowledge. I should have learned more, and I will.

The most important thing I've learned is I like the interaction with those people seeking for medical help. I like the heart-to-heart talk, the trust they put in me, so that they could share their health problem. Some even shared their financial problem. This is the privilege I'll have as a medical doctor in the future. I just wonder whether I would have an overly busy schedule with too much patients waiting, so that I would miss those essential talks. Those essential talks which I rarely find it on some senior doctors who examine patients in just 10 minutes. I wonder if being in their position is inevitable, or I am free to choose what kind of doctor I am going to be. I have those ideal goals, but I know being overly idealistic means being ready to be disappointed by the reality.

*About my research: I've finally finished it and collected it right on time! Now talking about holiday and a vacation trip to Singapore...well I'm so totally excited! :)

The Hospital on 10 a.m.

I began to thank goodness I have just made a blog. As I usually think and ask questions a lot, sometimes I whine and become very critical about things around me, having a blog to express all of those thoughts seems to be quite relieving. Now I can guarantee people won't get bothered by my too-honest words that much anymore when I'm around.

This morning, after my last theoretical exam this semester (it was pharmacology), I went to the Oncology Clinic in the General Hospital. I was going to meet one of my research consultant -an oncology surgeon-  to get my last revision and his approval signature. I have made appointment by SMS the day before, so I thought the waiting wouldn't be too long (last time I waited for 5 hours straight before he finally finished the surgery). Instead of being bored and wandering my thoughts around, I decided to write my thoughts. Yes, I wrote my thoughts in the middle of busy hospital, with the patients and nurses around. So here is my short note:

<<Soap opera is showing actors with fake tears, fake ill faces.
While the women around me (breast cancer patients) show the real pain. The sign of healing process  after their mastectomy or breast biopsy.
 Some patients are inside their room, waiting for being healed. Some are counting their last days and their lifetime's blessings. Seconds nearer to their final goodbye.
While the children are playing outside. Toddlers talking with their imperfect sentences. They are growing, so far from what we called "death". The increasing ages, one is dying, the others are beginning their youth. Embracing the two sides of life: health and illness.


Medical reps are asking for doctors' names, digging every information of who, where, and when they can meet their future clients. Sometimes pens and notebooks with the company's label on them do help.

Nurses and patients sharing smiles, talking about which doctor is the most good-looking ("Is he single??"). Gossips -- the only thing which can diminish all the boundaries among women who haven't known each other before.

One patient sighed "I lose my appetite because of this chemotherapy."
A senior nurse replied --  just like what she always says to patients who suffer because of these chemicals " You should eat ice cream. Trust me, ice cream is delicious, it helps you to bring back your appetite, and it contains vitamins. Once you're back home, buy two ice creams every day--one for your son, and one for yourself."

A lady who was registered to have her lump biopsied today disappeared. A nurse looked for her from toilets to waiting rooms, north to south. When finally she found the patient, she said "Where have you been? We've been looking for you all over the clinic!" And surprisingly, all the patients waiting in that room, laughed at this worrisome lady. The lady smiled. I smiled. 

Me, waiting for half an hour already, is still waiting for the doctor. These papers with the empty space above the doctor's name (and his uncountable titles) is waiting to be signed. The precious signature which have to be paid by hours of waiting.

On the other hand, I'm enjoying the scene of the real life. Recorded by my ocular lenses. All captures will be organized in folders, in my hippocampus.

That's how the TV should be jealous, because that soap opera they are showing means nothing, compared to the real acts of these professional actors of real life.

Hospital doesn't seem to be that boring after all. Or as I thought it would be. >>



An hour later, I got the doctor's signature. I felt satisfied enough that at least this time my hours spent worth. So I went home and make my late lunch.

Photo: Baked beans, toast, sausages, scrambled egg, and yes, oatmeal. I just love baked beans so much, even the canned one. SO I think it is completely normal to have baked beans and toast for lunch instead for breakfast. Period.