What motivates you?

Everybody have their own motivation to do anything in life. I need a motivation to wake up from bed, bike to school, go out through the rain to buy groceries, learn something new, and so on.

I recently read an article (in Indonesian) from Indonesian non-profit organisation / movement called Pengajar Muda (Young Teachers). It is an organisation which distributes young educated people to teach for a year in some remote places in Indonesia. 

The article has struck me at how it tells the readers about how simple things might inspire the students. In brief, it is about the curiosity of the students when their teacher told them about snow. When the teacher showed them a documentary on his tiny laptop (watched by around 80 students) about snow, those students couldn't help but perplexed at how strange, beautiful, and fun it seemed to see and play with the snow. Later on, the teacher wrote, "You may live in a small village, or in an island out-of-nowhere. But you have to dream higher and higher each day, It is do-able!"

All students carefully stared at the small laptop screen 

Read the article here (in Indonesian): Melihat Salju - Seeing the Snow

I can totally relate to this. Almost a month ago I saw the snow for the first time (yes, your eyes are reading it right!). It's unbelievable how the snow which I had only seen from the movies before (Home Alone movies) looks so much better in real. How can it be possible that these delicate shaved-ice fall from the sky so gracefully and make everything looks beautiful?? Even the usually dull rooftops looks like fairy tale houses with snow on top of it - I'm not exaggerating. Coming from a tropical country, the idea of having winter (plus snow) is so out of my imagination.

But that was the moment when I (again) found the reason why I decided to study far away from home. To see and experience things that I have never experienced before. I know now, this is my motivation to study harder, to work, to travel, to get to know different people, to get amazed by these small things.

A whole field full of happiness

Bahasa Indonesia

Ya, bahasa Indonesia. Para pemuda Indonesia dulu menetapkannya sebagai bahasa persatuan. Tapi bahasa Indonesia menurut saya bukan hanya bahasa resmi yang diajarkan di sekolah-sekolah. Bahasa Jawa - mulai dari ngoko alus, kasar, sampai krama, bahasa Madura, bahasa Batak, singkatnya semua bahasa daerah di Indonesia pun juga layak disebut bahasa Indonesia. Bahasa ibu yang benar-benar lazim digunakan di antara anggota kebudayaan terkecil dari masyarakat setempat, yaitu keluarga.


Terkadang saya lupa betapa berharganya bahasa Indonesia. Sejak kecil saya tertarik belajar bahasa Inggris. Bahasa pergaulan, katanya. Bahasanya orang-orang pintar dan terdidik, bahasa yang digunakan negara-negara maju, bahasa yang harus digunakan agar tidak "ketinggalan jaman". Sebagai konsekuensinya, saya mulai belajar bahasa Inggris sejak di Sekolah Dasar, dan mengikuti beberapa kursus bahasa Inggris.


Lalu ada lagi bahasa Mandarin yang saya pelajari sebagai bagian dari kurikulum pelajaran Sekolah Menengah Pertama dan Sekolah Menengah Atas. Sebagai warga negara Indonesia keturunan Tionghoa, saya tidak pernah menggunakannya dalam percakapan sehari-hari di rumah. Para leluhur saya tiba di Indonesia beratus-ratus tahun yang lalu, dan seiring berjalan waktu mereka hidup di tengah masyarakat Indonesia, mempelajari cara hidup penduduk setempat, dan singkatnya, menjadi orang Indonesia. Memang, orang tua dan kakek nenek saya punya nama Tionghoa, tapi generasi saya sudah tidak lagi memiliki nama Tionghoa yang tercatat. Jadi, yah, agak sulit menjelaskan bagaimana seorang dengan casing Tionghoa seperti saya - mata sipit, kulit kuning langsat, rambut lurus- sebenarnya memiliki kepribadian orang Indonesia asli.


Kapan saya benar-benar menyayangi bahasa Indonesia?

Ups and Downs in Pediatrics

From my own picture collection, taken in Collosseum, Italy.
Siblings playing with their parents' video camera.

It has just been two weeks since my first day in Pediatrics rotation, and I can't help being in this kind of love-hate relationship with my daily job. Our daily schedule is tight, we have to be present in the hospital around 6 am and start making daily subjective and objective examination to all the patients in the ward. There are 29 co-assistant in total so we will have several patients we will examine daily. Then we have to write it all down in the patient status, including the diagnostic and therapy planning. It is a very effective way to learn about clinical medicine, thou. Then, most of our days will be spent helping the residents observing the patients ( every 3 or one hour, depends on the diagnosis), assisting in some clinical procedure, or participating in group discussion. Everything will be ended around 3 in the afternoon and on some days we have night shifts, mean doing almost the same job we do during daytime, only during the whole night.

One Day in the Clinic

The doctor carefully explained about the medication prescribed. Haloperidol, Folic Acid, Clobazam.  None of them were familiar to the mother. She stared to a space that did not exist. Her ears were listening to the doctor's words, every single word. But her mind was spread into several thoughts at the same time.
She might need to stay for a month, or maybe more, in this city, 4 hours away from her home. She didn't have any place to stay, yet. Her husband might have to work harder than before. She would look for all the therapies, anything that could fix the problems. She might will have to leave her younger daughter at home. Her son might will never able to enter regular school, be a regular child.
Who will afford all the medication and medication fee, anyway?

And just moments ago, she discovered that her son was diagnosed with mental retardation.

Change Your Location, Change Your Life

It is less than two days left before I leave Groningen. I have been staying here for almost two months now. I would surely say this is a lifetime experience I will never regret. I used to think that two months is going to be a long time, but it is not. Two months is absolutely not enough to learn new languages, blend in with the locals, see their cultures and lifestyle, taste the different vibes. There are so many things I have obtained, much more than reading a pile of books. Being in a country, half the world away, 6 hours of time difference, has brought me a broader scope of view.

Fiets in The Netherlands

the bike racks

Bicycles are not uncommon in every region of the world. But there is something special about bicycles in The Netherlands. They are not a one-moment trend. Neither a stylish accessories about what's in and what's not. Bike is a need. It is cheap, healthy, and fast. People ride bikes anytime, to any destination. Even you can find some men in neat suit going to workplace daily on bike. Students, the older ones, professors, professionals, anyone. People can choose an expensive multi-geared bike with fancy model or they can basically opt for an old--but fast one.

It is common for little children to start with 3-wheels bike, then usually children in school age will learn to ride bikes with foot-brake, the ones without hand-brake and you need to turn the pedal backwards to brake. I have tried them once, and it was not easy, as I did not usually ride bike in Indonesia, where I came from. There are also special bikes designed for people with disability. Usually they are three-wheeled, with different models and size depends on their disabled limbs. Some children with special needs also use custom made bikes to stimulate their movement, strength, and coordination. Another extra benefits of bikes. 

The Art of Letting Go

03.00 am, almost dawn. It was my first time facing death. Many stories about doctors who resuscitate their near-dead patients and managed to bring them back to life. But I didn't. It was my first time performing resuscitation on real patient but I didn't succeed.

Previously, a senior of mine calmly informed the family about the patient's worsening condition. That we had given all our best, all the medication and medical procedures we had known to save the patient's life. And after she had gone, it was my senior who calmly explain about the possible cause of death, about his deep condolences to the family, and that he will be there if any of the family need help on anything regarding the late patient. I was near speechless. Maybe it was my emotion, I was overwhelmed by disappointment and grief. It was more than a death to me.

Where Do We Find God?

on the big cross hung inside those churches?
...in every bead of your brand new shiny rosary?
among the words preachers say,
...or explicitly said by lines and lines in the bible?


Where do we find God?

Idealistically Realist

the north coast of Java island, taken during my last week trip to Central Java

"Do you know what's the secret of being a popular doctor?" my father asked, just recently.

"What is it?" I shrugged.

"Give your patient the most potent medicine. Once they know the drugs work well, they'll know that you're doing your job."

Munchies in Bali

After my short trip (3d2n) to Bali last January, here are some food indulge I tried:

1. Bubba Gump Shrimp & co. - Bali

Terletak di kompleks pertokoan Kuta Center. Setelah melewati Musro dan Discovery Mall di sebelah kiri jalan, lanjut jalan lagi kira-kira 5 menit berjalan kaki. Pertama masuk yang terlihat memenuhi meja hanya turis asing yang makan di situ, setelah masuk di dalam ruangan ternyata ada juga beberapa turis Indonesia.

Patients : People or Cases?

This month has been overwhelming by school schedules, reading catch-up, and extracurricular activities I have. Last 3 weeks I joined gym and tried to spend 3 times a week having workout session. On one side it has made me feel good about my body, I feel much more healthier and less tiresome, I have better mood, and it is a good way to relieve some stress too (yes, the gym guys are good looking! :p). On the other side, I go home after workout feeling tired and can't stand reading handouts for more than one hour. So I try to do a major catch up on weekends, but then I always use weekends as my excuse to hang out and have fun, so basically I am doing a very slow progress here. I have postponed my plan to take a diving course this month until all the exams are over and it turns out to be the smartest decision I've made so far.

Being so tiresome and sleepy in class make me want to post some tricks (some work, some not) I use to do when I can't stand to sleep during a long class, either it is a morning one or an afternoon one. Still on process on making that post, though. But tonight when I was reading surgery handouts, some case images of oral cancer have disturbed me.

this food has made my day

I love making salads! I can even make 5 reasons why I love salads:
1. You can choose anything you like as the basic ingredients. Name it: fruits, all kind of fruits, almost all kind of vegetables, chicken, turkey, potato, eggs, prawns, tuna, salmon, pistachios, pine nuts, even pasta.

Enjoying medical school to its max

"No matter what you do, this medical training will be a long process. So all we can do is enjoy each second of it." - Robert, a senior of mine and one of the smartest student in my faculty

Three years ago, when I learned about biochemistry, physiology, and biomedicine in med school, I keep on thinking that all I want is finish medical school as fast as possible and get myself to be a real doctor as soon as possible.

Yesterday, I read a very interesting post in Medscape website,which pretty much made me realize on how I actually enjoying this whole process of medical training. This post "Journey or Destination?" had me remember my first three years in medical school, which sometimes I keep on thinking about the goal, good test results, and how it will affect my life as a doctor in the future.

Now I am entering my fourth year, my next semester will be the last semester before clinical rounds, and it will be my last semester having lectures with the whole students in my badge. Rolling my mind back when I had lab classes and medical skill trainings, I start realizing that I am going to miss those whole process.

I remember my first year, still get used to call my lecturers "Doc" instead of "Ma'am" or "Sir", adapting myself in the euphoria of being accepted in med school, caught bad nightmares after doing my first dissection in anatomy class, getting overwhelmed by hundred of Latin words in anatomy and the complexity of human body structure, pretending to be a real doctor by practicing history taking and physical examinations to fake patients...

My second year, studying the difficult schemes of biochemistry, had interesting experiments in human physiology class, seen and tried ECG machine for the first time, paid full attention of roaches, worms, and ticks under the microscope in parasitology class, made the TB sputum preparations in fear of might getting infected, created my very first research proposal and spent nights finishing it, did my first catheterization and NG tube application (which is actually much harder to do it how it seem)...

My third year, did my first phlebotomy (and get my blood sucked by my friends too -- in several attempts), did my first urine, blood, and serum analysis in clinical pathology class, seen the actual tumors and human diseases with my own eyes in pathology anatomy class, finished my research project (about breast cancer) after months of the long process, did my first 5 hour clerkships in neurology, emergency dept, paediatrics, and internal medicine ward, and more exhausting nights of pre-exam nights...

In just three years, I have learned, seen, watched, heard, experienced, felt, dissected, smelled, and done lots of things that I haven't done or even imagined before. I have felt wowed, overwhelmed, jawdropped, amused, excited, upset, desperate, and all of those colorful emotions related with my training. We have been carefully prepared, so we would be the doctors who can face the real patients out there, once we are graduated. This whole medical training program, along with the lecturers, fellow med students, and generous seniors have created an unforgettable experience of a lifetime.

The process of training will be continued even for years after I completed med school, either by formal or informal lessons. As for today, I decided to put more attention on here and now, while keep aiming at my goal.

A lady on my dermatology handouts

This is just random. Related? No?

Almost Unpublished!

This is two dish I made about a month ago, just before the hectic weeks begun. Planned to make pancake anytime soon but the soonest would be after the grand exams though.
I used nearly half the whole pack of cream cheese on the macaroni pizza, and spread generous amount of shreded cheddar cheese on top of it. Combined with lots of sliced sausage, the result is heavenly for cheese and meat lovers like me. Nutmeg, onions, black pepper, and oregano completed the Italian-wanna-be fragrance.

As for the second dish, Spicy Stir Fried Beansprouts, it was literally too spicy for me. Not a major failure but I am pretty thankful its abundant chilli peppers didn't cause any toxic effect.

Some great songs I found today

It's been weeks since my last post. Last 6 weeks I had clerkship rounds, each two weeks in internal med and pediatrics, and the rest is one week each in neurology and psychiatry. Clerkship has been so much fun and interesting but it had opened my eyes that I know almost none about clinical theory. When I faced the real patients, most times I don't have any idea about the diagnosis and the proper therapy. Wearing white coat in the hospital and sometimes being miscalled as "doc" have made me feel ashamed of my lack of knowledge.

Tomorrow will be the last clerkship exam and I was planning to give my best, yet I know I am a bit too exhausted to read some more after a whole day studying. So I decided to watch some music videos and quite excited to discover three music clips of the awesomeness, Beyonce. The recent clip, "Run The World (Girls)" had my jaw dropped. Insanely cool outfits and dance moves.

Second is a soulful song entitled "1+1", again her voice amazingly powerful and so much life inside her words.

The last one is "Flaws and All" which has beautiful lyrics and touchy performance. The lyrics define what I thought about true love, for the you or capital You out there, the love we can get from parent, child, bestfriend, lover, or anyone. I put the lovely lyrics here so you can see why I love this song SO much. =))

Flaws and All
By: Beyonce

I'm a train wreck in the morning
I'm a bitch in the afternoon
Every now and then without warning
I can be really mean towards you
I'm a puzzle yes in deed
Ever complex in every way
And all the pieces aren't even in the box
And yet, you see the picture clear as day.

[Chorus]
I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
You catch me when I fall
Accept me flaws and all
And that's why I love you
yes that's why I love you
and that's why I love you

I neglect you when I'm working
When I need attention I tend to nag
I'm a host of imperfection
And you see past all that
I'm a peasant by some standards
But in your eyes I'm a queen
You see potential in all my flaws
and that's exactly what I mean.

[Chorus]
I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
You catch me when I fall
Accept me flaws and all
and that's why I love you
yes that's why I love you
and that's why I love you

Beef and More Beef

Actually I made these two dishes around a week ago. Both are made in the same day, with half kilogram of beef I bought from a local market.

Mung Bean Dessert w/ Coconut Sauce

 

I wasn't in mood to study pediatrics this weekend so I decided to make something warm, sweet, and easy. The green bean is sweet with a slight of gingery trace and the coconut milk is a bit savory. Now this snack will be my companion as I open my book! :)

I always like mung bean (or so-they-called here: green bean). Usually I like to keep it handy by boiling them (for 1 hour or so) , add some sugar, and that's it. It is perfect to be enjoyed while it is warm, or after you keep it chilled in the fridge. Today I tried to make a different style of it. I soak the bean for half day (morning to afternoon) while I was revising some pediatrics material. Then on the afternoon I boil it for about 1 hour with some gingers (you can use fresh ones, I use two packs of instant ginger drink this time), and add 1 pandan leaf. Once you see that the beans become twice its actual size and it begins to soften, you can lower down the fire or just lift the pan. add some sugar, stir it up, and leave them to make the coconut sauce.

For the coconut sauce, use coconut milk (I use an instant one) and simmer for about 2 minutes. Mix with some corn flour. Add pandan leaf if you want to add its fragrance to the sauce. Note that you should mix a spoon of corn flour with a room-temperature water first before you heat it. Less water if you like the sauce thicker. Leave until it boils, add a pinch of salt and a bit of sugar,  stir, and lift. Enjoy the sweet mung bean soup with the savory and thick coconut sauce! Yum.
 

a perfect companion as I open my book! :)

Artsy Me

I was re-reading clinical pathology handouts from my 4th semester, and I found these pictures I made during studying and/or being bored at class. Some are pretty fun, some are random, and I even wrote a full lyrics of "I Love the Way You Love Me" by Ronan Keating once I was studying while listening to it.
I guess studying while listening to music would not be an effective learning method for me.

Veggies and Beef Soup

Ah, surely cooking has always healed my mood. I used to have this kind of vegetable soup back when I was home, so I tried to make it myself today. Usually my mom makes it either with chicken pieces or beef, but since I didn't have any fresh meat I use beef sausage instead.

The ingredients:
1 clove of onion, finely chopped
1 tomato, chopped
2 or 3 carrots, peeled and diced
beef sausages, cut
beef stock
about 2 ounces of beans, cut into 2 cm length
salt, pepper, and nutmeg
a small amount of vegetable oil

How to make:
Stir-fry chopped onion until it caramelized and smells good. Add carrots and beans, add beef sausages about 2 minutes later. Pour in the beef stock and set the medium fire until it boils. Once it boils, set the fire to small, add the tomatoes, and simmer. In about 3 minutes, try the carrot and make sure it is already done, but not too mushy. You decide how soft you want them to be. Add salt, pepper, and a sprinkle of nutmeg. Parsley would be good as the garnish and it smells good too. If you want to add chicken or beef meat to the soup, make sure it is pre-boiled and already chopped so you can add it just when you add the sausages in.

Ready to be served, and enjoy!